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The Ugly Truth – Marriage

by on August 19, 2015
 

Some of what you are about to read may seem harsh but it is the truth at least the truth as I know it.

On June 19, of this year the CDC put out a study. In this study they stated that 2,118,000 million people out of 313,914,040 got married in the United States in 2012. The marriage rate for that year was 6.8 per 1,000 total population and the divorce rate was 3.6 per 1,000 population (44 states reporting and D.C). For divorces and annulments there were 851,000 out of a population of 248,041,986 and that is missing data from California, Georgia, Hawaii, Indiana, Louisiana and Minnesota. Of the numbers available to us we show that in 2012 41% of couples got divorced.

Furthermore, studies show that people with a higher education are less likely to get divorced. What? Because I didn’t go to college I somehow am more likely to get divorced. That’s hogwash.  But numbers don’t lie. In my immediate family alone I can count more couples that are divorced than are married.

  • Grandparents – married
  • Parents – divorced – remarried to other people and still married to them
  • Brother – divorced – remarried
  • Aunt and Uncle – divorced
  • Cousin – divorced – remarried
  • Cousin – divorced – remarried
  • Cousin – divorced (I think twice now) – remarried
  • Aunt and Uncle – married
  • Cousin – married
  • Cousin- unmarried but has a child
  • Aunt and Uncle – married
  • Cousin – unmarried but has a child

And then on my husband’s side

  • Grandparents – married
  • Parents – married
  • Brother divorced and remarried / new wife previously married 2 times
  • Niece – unmarried
  • Niece – unmarried but had a child

Does anyone see a pattern here??? In the past, you didn’t get divorced for almost any reason. Now if they sneeze the wrong way someone is ready to sign the darn papers. When I first got married I called my mother to complain about my new husband and she told me to leave him. It was that easy. Just leave him. WHAT? How could that be her answer? Aren’t you supposed to work out your differences? I told my new husband that I would never leave him if he never broke one of these 3 rules.

1.    Never cheat on me

2.    Never physically or mentally abuse me or the children

3.    Never abuse alcohol or drugs

Everything else I told him we could work through. We all had our faults and it would just take the time to work through it. Well needless to say after 13 years. We went our separate ways for a couple of months before it was evident that it just wasn’t going to work out. We just loved each other too damn much to be apart. See, I had a life-changing surgery that almost killed me the first time I had it and then I had to have the surgery again and it scared him into running away so he wouldn’t have to deal with it. But when it came down to the choice of being with me or me being without me he just couldn’t settle for being without me. So we marched on and I broke my own rule. My father was furious I took him back, but when I stood up to him and said that I was going to fight for my marriage he told me he was proud that I was sticking up for my marriage and not running away. He just cautioned me not to keep me eyes open, and I assured him that I was keeping him on a short leash and my eyes wide open.

Do I feel like a hypocrite? You are damn right I do. Every single day, I feel like an idiot. But he reminds me how much he loves me. Oddly enough we are a stronger couple for it. Where I think this divorce generation fails is that they just give up when things get tough.

“Oooh, she isn’t a good housekeeper.” Time to get a divorce

“Hey, he plays fantasy football too much.” Time to get a divorce

“I don’t like his friends, and how they come over for pizza on Sunday to watch the game.” Time for a divorce

“I don’t like how she refuses to go mountain climbing with me or para gliding.” I’m calling 1-800-Get A Divorce

OH MY GOD YOU IDIOTS! These are stupid reasons for a divorce. All of them. They can all be fixed.  It is when I hear some girl or guy complain about their significant other with a stupid reason like this that I imagine hitting them over the head with a tennis racket. All these reason can be fixed. In fact, the ones listed above can be fixed too but they are more detrimental to a relationship than the fact that he won’t put the seat down or his friend Bob is a complete ass.

My husband and I have been married for 17 years this August. We met in March, got pregnant in April, got married in August and became a family in January. Then by the following October of the next year we were a family of four. We are now a family of 5. It has been a one hell of a bumpy road.  I wish I could I say I loved him all the way through it but heck I am not sure I even liked him all the way through it. Sometimes I think I just put my head down and just kept trucking along hoping to find the light at the end of the tunnel.

But now here we are, 17 years later and you know what we are truly truly happy. We spend each and every day together. All day, in fact, if you can believe that and we don’t get sick of each other. We used to fight all the time, now we hardly fight. We laugh so much more. Maybe it’s me taking the stick out of my ass but everything just feels so much lighter and brighter now. We aren’t just husband and wife. We are best friends. I was afraid 3 years ago that I had made a huge mistake letting him back into my life, but it’s like we needed it in order for us to become closer. I don’t know how to explain it.

I remember many many years ago when my husband and I had just gotten married my grandparents were sitting outside on lawn chairs talking and I asked them what they were doing outside when they could be inside watching TV. My grandmother responded “We are talking.” I said, “ You’ve been married forever, what could you possibly be talking about.” And she said, “Oh honey when you’re in love you never run out of things to talk about.” I just shook my head and walked inside. I thought to myself there is no way I am going to have anything to talk to my husband about when I’ve been married as long as they have. But you know what? We never stop talking. We always have things to talk about. It’s true and that conversation with my grandmother is always in my head.  I also remember his grandparents always holding hands and I think this is what our generation and future generations have lost all because we are too quick to divorce. We aren’t willing to put the work into our marriages. We just want the easy way out.

I guess the whole purpose of this Ugly Truth is tell all you wankers to stop giving up so damn easily. No one is going to be your perfect mate.  Find someone that makes you laugh, treats you right, that you enjoy being around and that is a good person and then deal with their pitfalls. No one is perfect. No, not even you. If they have to deal with your crap you can deal with theirs. GET OVER YOURSELF.

And That My Friends Is The Ugly Truth

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